No Homo? :B
by reginaFatum
Summary: One Saturday morning Dave got his sleepy ass out of bed to use the bathroom, but soon he found out that somehow, someway, he became a girl! Now, Dave must go through life as a girl for the rest of his existence! ...Or until he turns back into a guy.
1. Prelude: Saturday Morning

**Prelude: Saturday Morning**

**CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW**

_tch…stupid birds…_

It was a hot noon on Saturday in July. Dave had just woken up from late night "Stridin'". By late night "Stridin'", he meant taking swigs of apple juice and making more additions to his comic _Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff_ until he was on the verge of passing out_._ He sighed out softly, an arm covering his eyes from the rays of the sun blinding his eyes from his window and sat up, eyes closed. His hair was a bit messy and he had nothing on except for his boxers. He snarled as he slowly opened his eyes to get used to the brightness in his room. There were several smuppets scattered across the room, including his bed. He could've sworn that his bro came in last night and added more to his unwanted collection in his room. "Bro needs to seriously turn on the fucking AC…" Dave muttered to himself tiredly as he walked out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom.

Entering the bathroom, he didn't look in the mirror; all he cared about was the swelling feeling inside his bladder. He had to go, and badly because of all the apple juice he drank last night. He lowered his boxers a little and grabbed a hold of his junk, ready to piss, but… Something was different. He slowly looked down and leaned in a little because something on his chest got in the way from his view. He..wasn't holding onto anything…Wait..Something on his chest in the way of his view…?

_you have got to be shitting me_

Dave's eyes widened as his hands quickly traveled up to his chest as he patted what was there.

_you have GOT to be fucking shitting me_

He looked down again and saw that it wasn't there. It was gone. There was nothing hanging from his fucking groin! Dave continued to travel his hands up and felt his hair on his breasts. His hair had grown so long and he looked down and behind him to see what kind of ass he had gotten. Then, that tingling feeling struck him. That feeling where you forgot you had to use the bathroom, but then remembered the reason why you ever came across the bathroom in the first place. "Fuck! How the fuck do girls piss?" Dave yelled aloud in the bathroom as he tried to find out how to go. Bro overheard this, but only heard "How the fuck do I piss?" He became oddly concerned as to how Dave had forgotten how to use the toilet and ran to the bathroom. "Dave, what the fuck is going o-" Bro stopped mid sentence. He saw his "brother" naked in the bathroom. Dave had one leg straight and the other propped up on the top part of the toilet, boxers on the floor, trying to aim for the toilet bowl as he looked at his bewildered brother. The both had to process their thoughts before screaming aloud, scaring the crows away from their floor of the building.

Bro had to re-teach Dave how to use the toilet; however he just couldn't look at "him". Dave wasn't the same Dave Bro had known for what seemed to be all his life. It was…weird to teach a girl how to use the toilet, especially if she has practically nothing on. "Dude, just go and put something on." Bro said to Dave.

"But I'm a fucking girl! How the hell am I supposed to fit my clothes?"

"I don't know! Just put something on and I'll go to the store and buy you clothes!"

"Don't buy me anything stupid."

"Or something that would make you fat?"

"Oh, nice one, Dick." Dave snarled, unimpressed at the sexist joke Dirk played. Dirk couldn't help but grin at his own remark. "Okay," Dirk said, "when you're done just go ahead and put some clothes on or something. I'll get you clothes later." With that said, Dirk left the bathroom and let Dave do his business. What was Dave going to do? He was a girl now…Wait, how did this all happen in the first place? Did Rose somehow put a spell on him or did one of the trolls do it? Hes got to tell John what has just happened. Dave stood up and flushed the toilet as he put on his boxers that slipped from his waist down to his hips. Dave walked to the door, but stopped to look in the mirror to look at his body.

_damn do i look as good as ever. actually when do i ever not look good? never, that's when, its all about the strider swag_

Dave went back to his room and opened up Pesterchum and began to pester John.  
[TG] began pestering [EB]

TG: dude, you will not guess what the fuck has just happened to me


	2. Chapter 1: John Egderp

**Oh gog ;u; You people like my story! Eeee~ Anyways, thank you for those who have read this and to those who have given me positive feed back! I want to update this weekly, but school work and other stuff has gotten in the way! I will make this the one fanfiction I've finished (that isn't oneshot, its on my other account that I abandoned due to not updating so many fanfictions...Too afraid to go back to my disappointed readers who are still there...And I also don't have anymore inspiration for the fanfiction I was writing). I'm so glad that you've all enjoyed the prelude and are now continuing to read my fanfiction! I hope I please your fanfiction needs!**

**~reginaFatum**

* * *

**Chapter 1: John Egderp**

John was on his computer, trying to code as he looked beside his computer to a picture frame.

_oh casey…how daddy misses you so…_

Casey was John's "daughter" that he met a while back. He missed holding her hand as they walked through the Land of Wind and Shade. Though at the time he was saving humanity on his planet, he somehow found time to walk with his daughter throughout the land. Even though they where gross, he missed the little, or rather, big spit bubbles she'd make and pop. It was gross, but very cute. "Hmm?" John looked at his computer screen as he heard a ping coming from his Pesterchum. Oh! It was Dave! John quickly read the message and typed a reply as fast as he could.

[TG] began pestering [EB]

TG: dude, you will not guess what the fuck has just happened to me.

EB: whats up?

TG: okay

TG: this might sound crazy

TG: actually what the fuck am i saying?

TG: of course this will sound crazy

EB: what will, dave?

TG: okay so

TG: believe it or not

TG: but

TG: im a fucking girl

EB: uh…what?

TG: im a girl

EB: …dave, last time i checked im pretty sure you where a boy. :B

TG: dude

TG: im not fucking kidding

TG: like i woke up this morning and i went to take a piss

TG: i tried to grab my dick so i could aim

TG: but when i looked

TG: my dick wasnt there

TG: and there where these things on my chest that where blocking my view

TG: you know

TG: boobs

TG: boobies

TG: tits

EB: dave, i know what boobs are!

TG: are you sure?

TG: i dont think youve ever seen a pair

EB: i so have! its not like youve seen a pair!

TG: of course i have

TG: theres something called "porn" out there egbert

EB: ewwwww!

John made a face after reading Dave's comment. Ew! He didn't need to know that! I mean, yeah John has been a bit curious as to what watching porn seemed to be like, but he only did it like once! He didn't want his Dad to walk in on him. He couldn't hear anything too because he lowered the volume on his computer and he didn't want to get up and get his headphones just in case his dad suspected anything! But anyways, besides all of that.

TG: so yeah

TG: im a chick

EB: dave, are you sure you're not doing any drugs?

EB: i mean, if you are, you really shouldn't! but you know…

TG: dude

TG: im not pulling anyones leg

TG: i have a vagina

TG: im sure you dont know what that looks like too

TG: but im not going into any explanations as to what it looks like

EB: er…right…

TG: you dont believe me

TG: do you?

EB: …no

TG: fucking shit

TG: you know what

TG: stay where the fuck you are

TG: ill show you im not lying

John raised and eye brow. Show him? What was he gonna do? Last time he checked, Dave didn't have a webcam. You don't know why he just doesn't buy one, but hes probably just gonna give you some BS story to explain why he doesn't.

TG: okay

TG: hold on

TG: just need to import it

EB: import what?

TG: the picture

EB: oh.

[TG] wants you to take this picture, do you accept?

TG: there

EB: okay! just hold on!

John moved his mouse to the "YES" button and started to download the file. He wondered if Dave just stuffed his shirt with fruit and somehow got some make up to put on like a drag queen. He probably did that to just fuck with you. The picture opened up and John's eyes widened as he blinked.

_ w-woah! dave actually is a girl!_

John remained speechless, just staring at the picture. He saw that Dave's clothes no longer fit him and his, or rather, "her" pants where sagging. John couldn't help but look at her body up and down.

_w-wait what am i doing?_

John smacked his face with both of his hands and shook his head quickly. Was he seriously checking Dave out? He was no homo! He definitely no homo!

_wait…if dave is a girl…is it still homo? or is it no homo? :B…hmm.._

John looked through the space between his fingers at the picture in bewilderment. He couldn't hold back the blush that was across his face. It was a rose pinkish red that colored his skin, opposite of his sapphire blue eyes.

TG: dude

TG: whats taking so long?

TG: are you jacking off to me?

TG: dude

TG: thats sick man

TG: i know barely anyone can resist the strider

TG: but not when im on

John's blush turned into a deeper red. H-He was not doing that! He would never do that! Never ever ever ever ever!

EB: dude, ew, no!

TG: oh now youre calling me ugly?

TG: wow man

TG: what a bro

EB: no no no! i'm not calling you ugly! its just i'm not masturbating! i'm not a homosexual!

TG: dude

TG: to be honest

TG: i dont think its gay if im a girl

TG: i mean

TG: i do have a vagina and a pair of tits now

TG: not to mention a choice ass

TG: but yeah

TG: do you now see that im not lying?

TG: that i actually am a girl?

EB: yeah! i cant believe it dave! how did this happen?

TG: i dont know

TG: like i said

TG: i just woke up one day

TG: and bam

TG: im a girl

EB: thats…weird.

EB: does your bro know?

TG: yeah

TG: walked in on me when i tried to use the bathroom

TG: i thought the girls were joking when they said it

TG: but they actually sit down to piss

EB: you…didn't know that?

TG: no man

TG: i dont go around

TG: asking them

TG: how do girls piss?

TG: thats just fucking awkward

EB: true…

EB: so what are you gonna do now?

TG: well luckily theres no school since its summer break

EB: yeah, lucky you! What if you want to go to the mall?

TG: yeah thats the thing

TG: i need new clothes

TG: bros gonna go shopping with me on the weekend to get clothes

EB: you should buy a skirt!

TG: so what?

TG: you can jack off to that too?

EB: dave! i wasn't masturbating i said!

TG: are you sure?

TG: youre acting really defensive

EB: dave!

TG: haha

TG: just fucking with you

TG: i dunno

TG: i might

TG: kinda wondered what wearing a skirt is like

TG: havent you?

EB: well now that you mention it, a little bit!

TG: hmm

TG: ill think about it when im shopping

EB: okay! well i'm gonna watch con air! you want me to live stream it so you can watch too?

TG: dude

TG: every time you ask

TG: i give you the same reply

TG: fuck

TG: no

EB: well you never know when you would want to, dave!

TG: that would be never

TG: never fucking never

EB: never say never!

TG: dude are you quoting justin bieber?

EB: hehe, maybe! :B

TG: just no

EB: well, message me any time if you wanna talk or if you just wanna spam!

TG: yeah

TG: just go watch con air

TG: and fantasize about your man crush

EB: hes not my man crush! and no homo!

TG: you dont need to say no homo if he isnt your man crush

EB: oh right!

TG: egderp

EB: thats not my name!

TG: john egderp


	3. Chapter 2 Part 1: Attack of The Otaku

******I'm sorry that I've had you all waiting for two weeks! Thats just not right! DX I've been working hard to get my Fs back to the Bs they should be in school, so yeah -u-; School why must you zap all creativity out of me? D8 Anyways, I've decided to go ahead and split this chapter into two parts because I like how the first page sounds (which is this part) but I think I might edit the second page and add more. I will try my best to update as soon as possible to make up for my missed week! Once again, thank you for reading!**

**~reginaFatum**

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**Chapter 2 Part 1: Attack of the Otaku**

_huh…wheres bro?_

She looked at the clock that hung above her bedroom door. Wheres Bro? Though his steps where silent, she knew when he was in our out of the house. She just knew it. It's somewhat like a sixth sense he made her develop so that she knows when or not she's alone.

_Alright…Camera, check. Misa , check. Usagi , check. Who else…_

Okay, seriously. Where the fuck is he? He was supposed to be back an hour ago. He always comes home at 7 o' clock, sharp. Where the fuck could he possibly be doing at a time like this?

_Alright…Now to just pay the tailor…Fuck, where did I place my wallet? _

Okay, now it's time to worry. Its 9 o' clock right now, where is he? What if he picked up some girl and now she is holding him and his prized possessions hostage? What if he forgot to bring his katana and now is having to suffer out there by out-of-date fist fighting some hostile hobo? Dave couldn't help but let the worried quivering lips loose. It's not like she really did care for her bro, it's just shes really hungry right now. She sighed and went back to creating new panels for her comic _Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff_, trying to drain out the worry from her body. Her stomach growled and she scowled at it. "Oh shut it," she said to her stomach, becoming more and more irritable as she awaited her bro. Suddenly, all worry drained out of her in one second. She froze and just stared into her computer. This feeling…Bro is home.

She got up and grabbed caledscratch, flicking her wrist and arm outwards making the broken caledscratch unbroken. Feeling the wall, she tried to sense and track Bro's movements…They didn't seem like he was trying to hide, making Dave feel bewildered. Bro usually calls for strife when he comes home. Still on her toes, she slowly opened her door and tiptoed through the hallway into the living room where Bro was. Energy bursted out of her legs, she bolted straight at him, jumped in the air and slashed downwards at Bro, yelling out her battle cry. He quickly turned and clashed his katana with Dave's caledscratch to send her back. She landed in a crouch, one leg stretched out to the side and a hand on the ground, the other holding the hilt of her sword. She ran at him again, slashing upwards. He flipped back and blocked another strike from her. "Dude, chill the fuck down!" he exclaimed as he kicked her back. She held her arms up in defense from the kick, but skidded back a distance. "Why? So I can have you hand my ass to me in a simple one-two combo? Fuck no!" She jumped in the air and dropped kicked him. He held up his hand to grab her angle and spun, flinging her at the couch. With support from the springs of the couch, she flung herself back at Bro, making him back up into a wall. She stabbed her caledscratch into the wall next to his face, gritting her teeth. He held up and outfit in front of her face. Panting, she calmed down while looking at it. "H-Huh?"


	4. A Hiatus Update! (Excuses, Excuses)

_**CRIES**_

_I'm so sorry you have no idea ;A; Jesus its been 6 months._

6 months.

I need to update.

I JUST DO.

I hopefully can either this month or during the winter break (Junior/11_th__. HARDEST YEAR. GAAHHH *Dies*)_

So you'll either get a turkey dinner present or a Christmas present.

Or both.

One of the three.

I WILL UPDATE just please don't hurt me ;u;


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